Atari... Fuck You, okay odd way to start but fuck the greeting, do you want to know why I hate Atari, well first I'm going to show you a good game from them, here's Blade Kitten.
Blade Kitten is an excellent 2d platformer (with 3d cutscenes) developed by Krome Studios but published by Atari. You play as Kit Ballard who is basically a bounty hunter for hire who has to track down an alien criminal leading a rebellion, except it's not quite that simple as signs of a terrifying alien race of monsters appears. Blade Kitten is based off the comics made by Krome designer Space Captain Steve. Joining Kit is her sidekick Skiffy, a small alien pet like creature who picks up money at certain points with a command as well as short circuiting electrical equipment blocking your path. The combat is very simple, but special, Kit has a sword, she doesn't carry it though, to put it simply, her sword hovers and responds to her thoughts, meaning the sword is never actually in her hand.
This is good as due to her cat like nature, she is able to scale stone walls (but not steel or toxic waste covered walls). Also available to her is wall jumps and backflips making her very agile. The enemies in the game however for the most part suck. Most enemies only take a hit to take them out, but most of them have ranged attacks which you do, but it's slow. Some enemies require strategies like the shielded enemies which require you to sling your sword and command it back so it tares away the shield. Of course though ranged attacks are needed to hit switches out of your reach. However this drains the energy meter, which also refills over time but slower.
Of course there are some nice little touches such as the health bar regenerating with her face being in the centre reflecting her damage level. Going through the levels you will find money as well as collectibles, all of which unlike items in the shop which is selectable at any time after the first level on the select button, items range from new blades, health and energy meter upgrades or alternate costumes. But do you know what is bad about this game, and this reaches my point, it's an episodic game.
AND EPISODE 2 WAS NEVER RELEASED!
Atari who poorly marketed this game, like not at all cancelled the game due to low sales and to concentrate on more Space Invaders remakes and shitty 3d games. Episode 2 is made, it exists in Krome's office, but they can't release it until Atari's license runs out later this year. I am being serious, buy this game once episode 2 is released, if you buy it now, what's left of Atari gets your money, wait until later and the future of this series is safe. Because THIS IS WHAT ATARI MAKES!
Bulletwitch, I need to stop for a few seconds and say this, I am now going to be completely serious. This is the WORST third person shooter I have ever played and one of the worst games OF ALL TIME! I am being real with you! The plot is predictable as fuck, man loses daughter, opens the gates of hell to bring her back, world falling apart from demons and geists and suddenly a witch turns up to save the day. SHES THE DAUGHTER, fuck spoiler warnings, DO NOT PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME! Your basic combat uses firearms and this is the game's main problem, the aiming system sucks balls as you barely hit anything and the guns, oh sweet jesus, the shotgun's range is so small you might as well use Melee attacks and the rifle, NEVER BUY THE RIFLE, it's zoom is a millimetre closer and it rarely fucking hits anything and I've never used the final weapon the Gatling gun, but since it's so expensive, I should imagine it's the win button.
Oh yes, weapons are bought with gun points based how much you kill and you will never be able to buy everything in one playthrough. Now the enemies on the game are goddamn repetitive, geists which are skinless people with guns are your main enemies, weird headed creatures with fire breath and opening and snapping ribcages are another type of enemy but aren't common, but the other common enemy are giant floating brains with dangling bodies that create shield barriers that block progression and also toss objects at you with their minds which ONE SHOT KILL you.
The levels in this game are so repetitive and broken. Broken is the word, one level says to you to stop the enemies is to blow up a bridge but setting off the explosives at the base, but THERE ARE NO GODDAMN EXPLOSIVES! But apart from guns, we have magical spells which either attack a few enemies, create barriers or the super powerful attacks which destroy tanks and other to big for guns enemies. Lightning is the basic special, which directly kills stuff,Tornado which destroys loads of stuff as does the final attack meteor.
Another spell you get is sacrifice which gives up some of your health to heal others. By the way your health and magic recovers over time, but the magic meter is limited until you kill enough enemies.
I will tell you this now, this game RANDOM DEATHS you so many times, from full health to nothing. Do you want to know what is so bad. The final boss, this bastard goes on for nearly an hour, I am not fucking kidding and then what does it do when I'm just about to win, RANDOM FUCKING DEATH! Also THERE IS NO CHECKPOINT IN THE FIGHT! This thing took me A GODDAMN HOUR! A GODDAMN HOUR!! FUCK THIS GAME!
Even the achievements are stupid with a 99 pointer for playing 15 hours and for that 1 point, BEAT VERY VERY HARD MODE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! THIS GAME IS MORE OF A MESS THAN MICHAEL J FOX'S COLOURING BOOK!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK THIS GAME IN THE ASS! IF THIS GAME WAS A PERSON I'D DRAG IT INTO THE STREET AND BEAT IT WITH WATERMELONS, THEN HAVE IT RAPED IN THE ASS BY A BLIND ALSATIAN AND THEN FOR A FUCKING ENCORE BEAT WITH ORANGES AND THEN SHOT OUT IT'S KNEECAPS AND IT'S WRISTS AND LEAVE IT BLEEDING TO DEATH ON THE SIDE OF THE FUCKING ROAD IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE!!!!!!!
(ding dong)
Huh someone's at my door, just a second. Hello, who's down there?
Oh god must really love me today. You really think I didn't prepare for her revenge, just stay right there! Wait a second, she's...
randomly died, huh, guess it can be a good thing, I'm The JoelMH and I really need to play a good game right now.
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