X Blades

Well it's time to dig through some games to be sold, because after all, some games are only worth one play through, huh, what's this?

Oh fuck bunnies!



Story
A long long time ago, the universe was shaken by the battles between the ultimate forces of good and evil, the enlightened (good) and the dark one (bad, duh). The enlightened managed to seal away the dark one, but due to their relationship, he trapped himself as well.

Anyway, two beasts known as the light and the dark made sure to keep the two sealed away, each taking their opposite, but then a dumbass blonde treasure hunter comes along to break the goddamn seal, while meeting a cleric of light who tries to undo her dumbass actions. So basically this whole story is caused because some dumb dumb decided to steal the item that could destroy the goddamn universe.

Main Character

There's no other way of putting this, she's a goddamn whore, just look at her, oh she wields gunblades, that's cool, but WHORE, WHORE, WHORE...

How it Plays

Your basic combat involves swinging a pair of swords or using them as a pair of nifty handguns, because I must admit that gunblades are cool, shame the game can't be. As you fight enemies you gain experience points which allow you to buy upgrades such as healing items and magic meter refills as well as magic attacks which you can use  4 at any one time, all of which are either light or dark. This matters because which type you get more of will effect your ending, more dark spells, shitty ending, more light spells, less shitty, I mean good ending, seriously it's hardly fucking shakespeare. Of course you should get plenty of experience for most of the spells since you're trapped in rooms until you kill all the enemies, oh yes, it's one of those.

Oh and get used to the areas you go through as one level has you go through one area in the day and another at night.  The gameplay is so monotonous, I'm getting bored to tears, like I said about Charlie's Angels, these enter one room fight some enemies, move onto the next, rinse and repeat are so goddamn BORING! So much brilliant level design, though I have to admit the lighting effects are glorious. The voiceover work is fucking terrible and the menus look like the game was designed on a pc using a basic games designer anyone can use for free.

Oh and do you want to know something else, it's nitpicking but so far this is been like kicking a dead baby.

This is from the Xbox360 achievements website and no these aren't errors, all the achievements are just colour altered pictures of the same piece of relic. Even the achievements are half assed, the gameplay feels lazy, the artwork apart from the lighting feels lazy and so does the story, so funnily enough, THIS GAME FEELS FUCKING LAZY! I'm The Joel MH signing... wait a minute, what is that, in the bottom left corner?

Wait a minute, there was something there, I swear it. Anyway, I'm signing off.