Sunday 15 June 2014

Pokemon Diamond, Pearl and Platinum



Yes, Iohel has Chespin and Fennekin and you have Snivy and Froakie, now get going, who knows how long the portal will hold.
I'll be fine, you guys go home!

LATER
Oh fuck me!
People gave a lot of shit to Gen 3, this is way worse, Gen 3 doesn't deserve the shit it got, Gen 4, oh it does, it totally does. I mean for one thing, let's take a look at the map.
You literally go around and around the centre of the map all the time and dealing with the same level 20 wilds which is so good for levelling up.
The three legendaries, Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf, represent knowledge, emotion and willpower respectively, hey wait a minute, those lakes they live in...
Oh my god, it can't be, what's in the middle?
It's the Triforce, they represent the goddamn triforce. This game rips off fucking Zelda, Pokemon lore itself, is related to Zelda.
Oh hey, do you want a fire pokemon that isn't your starter, well here's your selection:
What you were expecting something else, oh and we have a Fire elite four, who has Infernape, Rapidash and...
and
and
and do you know what NOT ONE OF THEM IS FUCKING FIRE!

Oh and the core area of the map is a snowy mountain, so care to guess how many ice pokemon are in that region? Well 11, and one of those is an eeveelution. What's more is that most of the monsters in this region are new evolutions or prevolutions of those from previous regions. Oh and did I forget to mention that our little fire starter is also part fighting when it evolves, oh believe me, this was alright at the time, but now you can see the habit that was forming.
Also the battles in the game are so goddamn slow, everything just feels like a crawl and then we come to the one monster that you never really see anymore, for good reason Bronzor.
This thing is all over Sinnoh and it's only weakness, Fire, meaning since Ponyta is not a very good fire pokemon, if you want to get through without struggling, you pick the fire starter, thanks for putting us over a fucking barrel.
The Safari Zones returns with a tram down it to reach areas and it's contents change everyday and it's a giant marsh, I can't really complain about this as the safari zone is done well.
But what about the villains, Team Galactic, once again, can't complain, but the levels of the gyms to elite four, yes I damn can, beating the final gym, Level 45s are fine, beating the league, Level 60s, you have to go up 15 levels to stand a chance with fuck all to train with, you spend more time training in victory road then playing the rest of the fucking game. If I find whoever did this, I'm going to beat him round the head with a sack of fucking oranges, and punching him in the dick repeatedly or if it was a woman, punching her in the taco, and I'm prepared to wait, because after all, revenge is a dish best served cold.
Oh very funny.
So what of after the game, well we have a random island of battles, which has the battle tower, a ribbon contest house which requires you to have lots of ribbons and a FUCKING VOLCANO FILLED WITH FIRE POKEMON, FUCK YOU!!!!
But what about Pokemon Platinum, what are it's key differences that greatly seperate it from the original pair, well you get a villa you can buy stuff for like a pad in Saint's Row...
a WHOLE NEW STORY ARC WHERE YOU GO AFTER GIRATINA IN THE DISTORTION WORLD WHERE YOU WALK ON WALLS AND CEILINGS AND IS AMAZING!
Snow falls in certain areas and more old monsters were added to Sinnoh to sort that fire problem such as Houndour and Magmar and a few more ice types as well to make Sinnoh what it should have been in the first place, but even then it's still not as good as gen 3 before it. And oh if you got the Regigigas from Diamond and Pearl which required the Regis from gen 3, you can get, Regirock, Regice and Registeel from Sinnoh, HOORAY!
The other differences include animated back sprites and the Rotom forms, which we all know and love, but all in all, how can I put this. Ruby and Sapphire are now getting remakes, but should Diamond and Pearl get remakes, well, this is a My Little Pony.

and this is a Glock.
If I ever see a gen 4 remake like Spacial Pearl/Temporal Diamond, this glock is going to meet this pony.
Aw shit!
Oops, that happened by accident, wink wink. But seriously, if you want to have Sinnoh in 3d, make it an add on for Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby, because otherwise it just sucks balls, the Sinnoh region isn't good enough to stand up on it's own, yeah the champion is awesome, but there's far more negatives that outweigh the positives, the battles are slow, the region gets boring because you have to revisit areas so often and a lot of the time, you get lost without hints, yeah I got lost so often because nothing told me what had to be done and because you constantly revisit places you end up running around the same place 50 goddamn times, I'm sorry but Sinnoh sucks my dingdong and I mean the place is Hyrule lite with it's trio, hey what's that?
I never got a tattoo?

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