Okay before I begin, understand this, I picked this up in a bargain bin, I did not actively look for this. My name is The JoelMH and this is Oneechanbara.
Notice the name is spelled with one e on the cover, and guess what I'm the one spelling it right, they fucked up the english logo. The name Oneechanbara is a fusion of the words, Oneechan and Chanbara. Oneechan literally means big sister while chanbara means sword fighting. So what can I say about this game...
IT'S BORING!
How do you fuck up a sexy woman in a bikini killing zombies? You'd think that was the easiest thing on the planet to get right, easier than running a video streaming sight that actually caters for it's users Aaah aaah (youtube) choo! Well let me put it this way, basic enemies constantly come after you, but the standard zombies are so pathetic it's dull and when you come across one that's difficult, you need to go into a rampage mode and oh yes, once it starts it doesn't stop unless you go to a healing statue and will continually drain your health, so if you rampage, you can get through the level hopefully, always having to waste healing items, or if you don't you can never get through those damn hoards because you get locked into the fight.
Or you swap characters, oh yes, forgot to mention, there are 3 playable characters but only 2 of them are allowed at any one time. We have Aya the bikini clad zombie hunter who wields two samurai swords, her younger sister, the japanese school girl Saki with one samurai sword and the police girl Annna who wields guns and yes she her name is spelt like that, I'm guessing the translator darn fucked up. But wait a minute, let's look at the girls again:
Well that title is very misleading, only one of them is in a bikini and yes there is a customisation system, but I was promised a bikini samurai squad and don't let me like that, I'm allowed my smut, when women stop buying nude fireman calenders I'll stop.
Anyway yeah, the levels are painfully easy for the most part and very repetitive as you run around the same pieces of city over and over again gathering keys, Boriiiiinnng! And oh yes the bosses, the first boss you see over and over again for a lot of the game.
See that huge mound of flesh, yeah let's fight that again and again. Bored, I'm bored, I'm motherfucking bored. And guess what it's easy like most of the bosses except for one. Motherfucking Reiko, a boss that takes away all but one character making sure in the previous levels that you use all of your health items and giving none to replace them and making you fight a boss that can only be hurt without you being hurt with special attacks by flipping and striking at the right time over and over, and if you beat her, she summons hundreds of clones and you have to do it OVER AND OVER! What the fuck!?
Of course there is one level based on a separate mechanic involving a motorcycle which drives like a shopping trolley on an icy lidl's carpark.
Oh and be prepared to see the loading screen a lot, as this game constantly loads, but don't worry there's a little minigame while it loads where you just hammer the A button on cartoon zombies and guess what, you know what I'm going to say...
So let's dig through the boredom shall we, we have two samurai girls and a gun girl and by the way the guns are so weak it takes forever to kill ONE zombie and her only upside is she can't go all ragey and die from rage.There is one cool mechanic, if the blade gets too much blood on it, you need to swipe the blood off, which forces you to be strategic, but still doesn't clear up the boredom. Overall this game isn't just bad, it's mindnumbingly boring. This game took hours of life and I want it back. I'm The JoelMH and my next review is... oh no... not again, I was done with you, no.
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