Friday 5 June 2015

Starfox Command




Okay Nintendo we need to have a chat about Starfox, first you turn into a zelda clone, and then into Furryship troopers and now.... I'll show you...
The game looks just like Starfox right, that's an arwing alright, but well here's the thing all the levels are those open arena style levels from Lylat Wars. Now this alone wouldn't be a problem, but here's where I slap you with a truth sandwich...
It's a fucking real time strategy game. And that's the truth sandwich, now with bacon.
Basically each level has you fighting mini levels until all the targets are destroyed collecting stars or the enemy destroys the great fox in the bottom left corner.
Don't get me wrong the times you are in an arwing, they're alright, but to be honest they're nowhere near as good Assault's arwings, true this is a ds game and less powerful, but the arwings don't control as well as those in assault and the sad thing is there are no on-rails shooting levels like the majority of old starfox levels in previous games.
So Starfox have splitted up, Peppy is now the general in charge on Corneria after what happened to General Pepper in Assault and Fox kicked Krystal off the team because he wanted to keep her safe. Hold on, where have I heard that before...
oh like in shit tons of fiction right and what does Krystal do... join Star Wolf of course. And I'm pretty sure Panther is doing her.
What? I've heard that she's a real vixen under the sheets.

Oh come on this is what the 3rd Starfox game I've reviewed and it's my first fox joke, give me so credit people. Anyway here's why the game's controls suck by the way, every button on the ds makes you shoot lasers, while the stylus controls movements. The downside,go left and right quickly will make the arwing barrel roll, the problem, if you're fighting fast paced, which you will you'll accidentally do this a lot and get lasered in the ass.
and oh yeah there's a pesky time limit, take too long and the bad guys take the area and it takes even longer to clear the map. Starfox right now has been many things as has Resident Evil, but here's the problem... STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THEM INTO THINGS THAT THEY ARE NOT!!!
And the sad thing is that this right now is the end of the franchise and it comes with alternate endings depending on how you played the game such as...
Krystal dumping Fox....

reforming of Starfox with Slippy's girlfriend joining the team and this is the main ending by the way...
Grandpa Slippy...
and Fox and Krystal settling down to name a few. What you can't blame the guy, she is a foxy lady.
Two...Two, Motherfuckers I can't be stopped.

Oh hey Espurr, what you got there, it better not be another Resident Evil game, we talked about this.
No you couldn't have found it, it's impossible. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
To be continued with Jak and Daxter: The Lost Frontier

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