Sonic Heroes

So it's time to deal with this mess of a game. So if you haven't heard of Sonic Heroes, here's a quick explanation of how the game works, you have a team of three you can swap through each with a different type, Speed types run fast...duh, fly types, well fly, again duh and Power types well...

So there are four stories in this game, Team Rose is easy mode, Team Sonic is Medium, Team Dark is Hard and Team Chaotix are random missions in the level like find 10 hermit crabs or kill 30 enemies, shit like that. Team Sonic receive a note telling them that Dr. Robotnik is planning something evil and challenging them to stop him. No really... watch.

Hold on where did Tail's plane go, he just lept out of a fast moving plane, won't that you know crash in a huge firey explosion... good thing they're nowhere near New York.

What? What?
Anyway, Team Dark opens with Rouge breaking into one of Robotnik's vaults discovering two unlikely allies.

Hey wait Shadow has amnesia, wow that never happens.

Team Rose on the other hand has Amy sitting around where her Sonic is while Cream and Big genuinely worry about their lost friends and Amy only gets involved when she hears Sonic may be involved.

Well no surprise there Amy Rose is a creepy stalker bitch. And actually this is something that needs to be addressed. Amy Rose spends all of her time chasing after Sonic, a guy who is clearly not interested in her and yet she keeps on chasing and at times hitting him with a hammer. In fact one of the boss fights in Team Sonic and Team Rose' stories has them fighting one another.

She beats up the guy he loves so he'll marry her. This is what we call an abusive relationship, people and this isn't the only place I've seen it.

No matter how you look it and how much it's played for laughs, it's still abuse. I've been The Joel MH and next time we take a look at the unsettling underage harm that is a class in japan with a 10 year old teacher.

Oh shit, yeah, I was reviewing Sonic Heroes, shit!
The last team is Team Chaotix who have been hired by a mysterious voice on a walkie talkie which isn't instantly obvious that it's Robotnik.

Which brings me to Espio, you see unlike the rest of the teams Espio can leave his partners behind, turn invisible and run along the sides of walls like a ninja and as we all know, Ninjas are always cool.

Okay, almost always cool. So each team has to go through the same levels in their chase against Robotnik except Team Rose's are much shorter and what generally separates them is difficulty and special team attacks. These are built up by collecting rings and killing enemies, Team Sonic's destroys everything on the screen, Team Rose does this too but you get invincibility for a short while and a shield bubble once that runs out, Team Dark freeze time with chaos control as well as take out everything and Team Chaotix take out everything but get 10 rings per kill. So basically everybody is better than Team Sonic.

I know you want other teams to be played but really. The stages are quite varied like any other Sonic game starting with a coastal area.

followed by a futuristic city...

to even a giant casino, a jungle full of giant frogs that make it rain to make plants grow and a haunted castle to name a few.

Boss designs sadly are thing that this game suffers from as there aren't many of them, considering 2 of the boss rounds are fighting other teams and another 2 are just an arena where you fight tons of normal enemies. This just seems lazy but saying that there are worse Sonic games for that.

Oh and Spoiler time.
The villain turns out to be Metal Sonic once you beat all four stories and collect all 7 chaos emeralds who has absorbed data from our heroes and their allies to become the Metal Overlord who you to defeat with Team Rose, Team Dark and Team Chaotix while Team Sonic charge up using the chaos emeralds.

Hold on, how does it take Team Sonic this long when usually it's instantaneous, it's not charging up the goddamn spirit bomb. So Team Super Sonic then fight Metal Overlord for the final climax and you know win and status quo restored, it's Sonic not fine art.

Though there is one thing in the story I'd like to question at the end of Team Dark's story.

Okay you bring up Shadow clones and for what nothing, they don't even feature in the last story, oh they turn up in next week's game and trust me, the reason isn't that satisifying. So on the whole Sonic Heroes isn't bad, it's not brilliant either, but it doesn't suck donkey taint like a certain recent game, so overall I say check it out... if you can withstand the level ups. Oh I forgot you characters skills can be temporarly improved until you finish the stage or die and every time you pick up one of these coloured orbs, red for power, blue for speed and yellow for fly, you hear the wonderful sound of Level up every 30 seconds as this can be how quick you level up. Course you could always play with the sound down. I'm The Joel MH and next time, Shadow the Hedgehog.

To those who missed it the abuse gag was referencing Inuyasha, Love Hina and Negima.