Die Hard Games

Do you know what my favorite christmas movie is, Miracle of 31st street, no, muppets christmas carol, it's up there but no, my favorite is Die Hard. And because this was a big movie, it had video games and we all know how most movie games go. GERONIMO MOTHERFUCKER!



Die Hard Arcade

So how do you turn Die Hard into an arcade coin eater. Well you introduce a blonde female sidekick and they enter the building from a helicopter and instead of McClane's wife, you rescue the president's daughter and oh yeah Hans Gruber... is there something wrong mate?

You seem to gone all Japanese...it's like you're....

Hehehehe.

So before you enter the building you are told there are 30 terrorists between you and the president's daughter, except there's not, I counted at least 56 terrorists.

The game is a generic arcade brawler where you can pick up weapons such as handguns, spraypaint, spraycan with lighter and an rpg, but one hit and you drop it. But there seems to be something a miss at Nakatomi Plaza. See I watch Die Hard religiously every christmas, but in all the times I watched it, I don't quite remember, THE FUCKING SPIDER ROBOTS!

Seriously if Hans Gruber had these John McClane wouldn't of been much of a problem.Throughout the game you'll enter cinematics where it pop up with button presses. Yes even an arcade game is not safe from QTEs.

Did John McClane just punch a woman, my god he did. 

And now he's beating up firemen, John stop they'll take your badge.

Anywho John fights his way to not Hans, who attacks you with walls shooting objects out of them.

To then fight him in the roof and the bitch as throwing knifes and a samurai sword.

So this game basically misses the general plot and point, next.

Die Hard (NES)

Nintendo, you won't fail us will you. Well a game where the enemies can shoot diagonally and you can't really do that yourself is gonna be a dick isn't it.

A game where you can leap out of the windows to an instant death, just because. Well you have a couple of meters such as life of course, but foot power. This burns out as you sprint but also when you walk on broken glass and as we all know that sucks.

Yeah that gets a meter, firearms on the other hand, ammo isn't displayed at all but isn't unlimited, helpful much. And oh yeah items you need to collect can disappear when you're shot at, because if you drop them, they vanish in seconds, well done. Next Game!

Die Hard Vendetta

A 3d FPS, you won't let me down. So John McClane's daughter Lucy is a cop... and we're already fucked aren't we, granted this was made before Die Hard 4.0 but still.

Anyway turns out a museum opening is a lazy plot to kidnap Lucy by Hans Gruber's son. And thus the quest to save her in a very generic FPS adventure.

Across this adventure you go all over LA winding up through the police station, the docks and sewers, yay, everybody loves sewers right!

And of course you end up fighting Gruber atop which building everybody, I'll give you some time to think about it.

If you said Norwich Lidl's you are an idiot, of course it's Nakatomi. The game of course tries to make itself feel like Die Hard in 2 ways, one a shit ton of swearing and Die Hard movie quotes.

The other reason, we have an actual voice from the movies, Bruce Willis, no of course not, we get... get ready for this... AL.

Okay that's pretty cool and all but let's be honest, Bruce Willis would of been cooler. Though one neat thing is that bad guys take hostages and if you listen to their conversations hiding, you can jump them at the right time, otherwise you could lose the hostages, and you can even take other bad guys as human shields.

So overall all of these Die Hard games are bad, and I generally mean bad. But if I would suggest one of them to play, well Die Hard Arcade, why? Because where else can you see John McClane beat the crap out of a robot with his bare hands.

I'm The Joel MH and Happy Trails guys!