HELP THE ESPURR'S TRYING TO MAKE ME REVIEW A SHITTY GAME AND THE TOASTER'S BEEN LAUGHING AT ME!
Okay fine, but if I have a nervous breakdown, it's your fault.
The game is a prequel to the original Resident Evil explaining why Rebecca Chambers was in that mansion for Chris to save and what happened to beta squad, because you know we really need to know but...
I was going to say didn't care but whatever. It turns out Beta squad have just captured a serial killer named Billy Coen but during transport the squad's truck goes missing, so the other half of the squad goes looking for them and all get killed by zombies except for the team's medic, Rebecca who finds herself stuck on a train with the serial killer who get this is, is actually innocent for his crimes.
Turns out... are you sitting comfortably... it was all Umbrella and the train winds up at an old mansion in the woods near Raccoon City. But this isn't the mansion from Resi 1, no turns out there are 2 zombie filled mansions, not even Batman has two goddamn mansions.
Now the character's arsenal and storage layouts are pretty much identical to the original resident evil, but the difference in this game is the ability to switch between 2 characters at once, switching between Rebecca and Billy often to solve puzzles. But the problem with this game comes from the new monster.
The leech monsters that take up a human shape by oozing together eww.... and guns don't work because you just shoot one off and it keeps going and these things block doors you need to get through, so you have to hope you can squeeze by them without taking too much damage, it's fucking stupid.
But seriously 2 mansions, don't believe me here's the ending.
So instead of reporting in to warn Alpha squad about zombies and having this dealt with quickly with Napalm, Rebecca goes into the resi one mansion alone so that Alpha squad turns up and gets mostly killed and the infection inevitably escapes. Those zombie dogs at the start of Resi one, they got loose from zero's mansion, all those people who died in Raccoon city, could have lived if it wasn't for the Bravest medic here, seriously what the fuck? And also what is it with Umbrella and Mansions with secret entrances, besides the last secret entrance in a mansion I saw was way cooler.
Another problem in the game is Billy and his inability mix the red and green herbs... um why? Chris Redfield could do it, Jill Valentine could do it, Leon Kennedy could do it, Claire Redfield could do it, even Sherry could do it, but nope Billy is a goddamn retard.
Other than that though it's still the same affair as every other Resident Evil game, zombies all the way as you solve puzzles until you fight a giant monster, rinse and repeat, cash the fucking check, and did I mention this was an exclusive game to the Gamecube, yeah back in the 2000s Nintendo had this deal with Capcom where they had exclusive rights including Resident Evil 4, which that lasted didn't it.
But Resident Evil Zero never turned up again... why. Because it sucked balls, I mean enemies that can't be killed blocking important pathways you need to go down alone breaks the game, I can appreciate what they were trying to do, to increase the fear factor, but it fails miserably, they're not scary, but rather fucking annoying. There are you happy cat.
I told you that toaster was laughing at me.
Oh Crap.
Well this is gonna end well for the toaster.
WARNING THE FOLLOWING CANNOT BE SHOW TO ANY AUDIENCE, WHAT ESPURR DID IS NOT SUITABLE FOR VIEWING BY ANYONE, SO WE WILL END THIS REVIEW WITH THE MUSICAL STYLINGS OF MR CONWAY TWITTY.
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