Christmas Special: Sonic 06

Merry Christmas children, today I tell you the tale of The JoelMH and his attempt to review Sonic 06, are we sitting comfortably?
Then I'll begin!



Once upon a hedgehog blue.
Back in the days of Sonic one and two.
Popular as a plumber in red.
Alas his career has become almost dead.
Sega who were quite dumb
Made a game like shit from a bum.

Through stories three.
This game is like shit stuck to a tree.
Sonic with Tails a fox bright orange
Knuckles too, but trying rhyming orange.
Another team came Shadow, a hedgehog dark.
Rouge a bat whose like a prostitute in a park.
And lastly Omega a robot with power.
Let's hope he doesn't spark in a shower.
The final team consists of new hedgehog Silver, Blaze and Amy.
Apart from Blaze all their gameplay is lamey.

Silver gameplay with psychic powers is slow.
His levels are tricky and take forever, bro.

Blaze plays like a sonic game should.
But her levels are made rare as they could.

While Amy hits stuff with her Hammer.
While Knuckles is a far better Slammer.

Though what is sad is she thinks silver is sonic.
She clearly needs glasses something chronic.
Shadow no longer with guns.
His violent gameplay is far from homeruns.

But however nowhere near as broken.
As a blue hedgehog whose career is quite choken.
Tails is made slow with bombs of rings.
with crappy explosions it brings.

Rouge still plays like she did in Sonic Adventure Two
As is Knuckles but no treasure to find above or under his shoe.

But most broken most of all, it's true.
Is sonic whose levels which make you spew.

His speed so super and fast.
Struggles with levels from first to last
Stuck on ceilings and flies from levels
Funny how this game's plot deals with devils.
Robotnik more creepy than fat
captures a princess who'd probably shag a cat.

Elise a princess, the devil releases if she cries.
And when she does the whole world dies.

So robotnik wants the girl
with the emeralds rarer than a pearl.
With a plot that crosses time
a plot with gameplay so bad it's a crime.
Speaking of crimes, so bad and awful.
Elise makes out with Sonic, it;s clearly unlawful.

Long ago Sonic's human girl was removed.
Too 'Japanese' it was proved.
Where was he this time?
To prevent this awful crime?

But at least Mephiles is a villian quite awesome.
But his game I'd rather ignore like Street Sharks where things were Jawsome!

All these extra playable ways
Could never beat pure speed anydays.
So the message to make.
Is that sonic add-ons never take.
Sonic is pure speed, leave it at that.
While Robotnik should always be evil and fat.

Now I know what you're saying.
No christmas here you're baying
No christmas games there be
So improvise I did you see.
So don't whinge and whine about the rhyming.
And don't send me messages with whining.
Because those who complain are shits
Obsessed with Rouge's Batty Tits

Street Sharks is a weird reference obscure.
But Merry Christmas to all I assure.
So no need to whine, scream or cough
For I'm The JoelMH signing off!