DMC: Devil May Cry

Hello I’m TheJoelMH. Now I’m probably gonna piss off a few fan boys and personally I don’t want to have my head cut off and rammed into the nearest postbox. But here we go. Why you may be asking why I’m worried, well, it being a review is a half truth, while most would look at the wrongs of a game, I’m going to take a look at what is wrong with the goddamn fanboys. So tell me what is wrong, go on, I’ll give you five seconds…

you done, good. So let’s start with the hair.

 Yes it’s not white, okay and yes it is assholish to mock the fan base with that wig scene...

 but ask me this, if your girlfriend or boyfriend, those of you that have significant others, dyes their hair another colour, do you dump her, do you take a shit on her couch, no you don’t, and also you can buy the classic dante costume as dlc, next.

The name, DMC: Devil May Cry, why it’s just saying Devil May Cry: Devil may Cry isn’t, well it is, but I bet you pissants watch CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and never bat an eye, next. 

The character of Dante himself, now let’s see old Dante was a cocky bastard with huge amounts of power, hmm, new dante starts off a little emo-ie but gets what’s this, through the story he develops to be more powerful and cocky like his old self. You know it’s bad storytelling to have a hero top of his game from the very beginning, it’s a reboot, I.e. nothing before happened, which means he needs to become a hero again. Let me put it to you this way, Superman, the world’s mightest comic hero, was he born fighting villians and super powerful, no he grew up, learned to control his powers, developed them, had an awkward childhood, it’s called development, we don’t just pop out of the womb with a suitcase in our hands and a business suit do we, no.

The gameplay, aw is mr fanboy unhappy cause the skills are gone, well they didn’t have them in 1 or 2, so get over it, instead we got the scythe, axe and the chain which can pull you to enemies or visa versa like scorpion from mortal kombat and I think at one point Dante even says ‘Get over here’. 

 I like their additions to the game and personally I thought the skill thing was rather bad anyway. What else do you people want, the guns still shoot like peas against a tank and the sword is still present as is the devil trigger, come on, what am I missing people. 

Oh yes the difficulty, it’s not as hard at first is it, like the old devil may crys, well get this, Ninja Theory,

 not to be confused with Team Ninja, a group who thinks an A grade videogame shouldn’t be decided by actual gameplay but how big and jiggly the female ensembles tits are,

decided to make it so that new players could play and included harder difficulty settings like Dante Must die mode for the older players. Oh that not hard enough like you get when you play really hard games, well get this Ninja Theory also released a dlc to increase the difficulty, and get this it’s free, so shut the fuck up about difficulty, next.

The setting, oh yes, no longer old castles but a messed up urban area, okay let me clarify this, do you know why Devil May Cry rebooted, one the series story had come to an end in 2 and they couldn’t keep doing prequels and two, Devil May Cry is a product of the early 2000s when everything was hunky dorey, governments, banks and big business had not been revealed for the greedy assholes that they are and this series was originally meant to be Resident Evil but strayed too far from the original, but kept the old mansions and castles that Resi so loved. DMC: Devil May Cry however is a byproduct of the current generation, an era so messed up and close to an uprising of the world’s underclasses that is a case of when and not if, which by the way is the reason I despise Black Ops 2, considering the plot is, the rich are being attacked by the poor and they stole our stuff, go take them out.

But don’t get me wrong, I love the devil may cry series, I even have the Devil May Cry anime on dvd, 

but there is going to far with a fandom, being a fan of a series shouldn’t take over your life and cloud your judgement.

What, why are you looking at me like that for?

But to reach my conclusion, those who just hated DMC: Devil May Cry for superficial reasons, go get your ass to the demo, it’s free and play it, if you still hate it, then shut the fuck up and get on with it, I’ve been TheJoelMH peddling common sense to the masses.