Welcome back, I know it's been a while since I did an Anime Review, well after Jungle De Ikou, I was terrified to go back into the anime world, but I realised, they're couldn't possibly be anything worse, so I decided to find a vampire anime, since it's Halloween soon, so what did I get?
Oh god, what did I do to deserve this?
The plot of Dance in the Vampire Bund follows teenager Akira who has lost his memory.
Oh that, Slowpoke here is my Amnesia counter, why, well because it is the most overused goddamn trope and throughout my reviews, I'm going to prove it. Anyway it turns out Akira is the bodyguard for the vampire queen Mina Tepes, and he's also a werewolf, because when has vampires and werewolves together gone wrong.
Anywho, before we meet Akira, the first episode is of a live show on japanese TV with Mina watching in the crowd, though Akira does appear as someone on the street to be interviewed about the subject. The show is of course questioning the existance of vampires turning out that a movie director on the show happens to be one and transforms into a monster for Mina to fight.
This is actually done really really well as it turns out Mina wants to create a land of vampires off the coast of Japan, where they drink artificial blood and live in peace with humans and some vampires are not pleased with this, but then episode 2 happens and the train wreck begins.
Mina turns up at Akira's school and tries to trigger his memory and suddenly human assassins turn up to kill her and they flee into a dark warehouse to find out that Mina's super protective sunscreen is wearing off and needs more applied and oh god a fucking pedophile created this show, what the fuck, I don't think I can even show it without cops kicking down my door.
I mean come on, how does shit fly in Japan, do you know what would happen if they tried to make that show here.
I mean come on you'd end up in the Pedo prison and than destroyed by the Dragonzord once I get it working. Anyway... This is far from the lowest point this show goes to, oh it gets worse, there's a teenage girl friend of Akira who has a weird attraction to the 10 year old boy she babysits and what does Akira and Mina do, get her a shrink and some meds, nope, turn the kid and her so their are vampires and they get together,
Hold on a second, I think I'm going to violently sick. I need a distraction, Ladies and Gentlemen, Mister Conway Twitty.
Okay now that that's over, back to the review. As it turns out there is a legitimate reason form Mina appearing so young. As it turns out she is the last pure blood female vampire left and she appears young so that the other 3 remaining pure bloods don't rape her... Yes, I'm being serious and she can transform into...
Yowza! Suddenly all of this show's sins are forgotten... NO NO, IT'S JUST INK ON PAPER, INK ON PAPER, SNAP OUT OF IT, IT'S AWFUL, IT'S AWFUL!
NO, I'M NOT TAKING IT BACK, NEVER!!
The show continues as the 3 vampire lords show up and decide to fight over Mina by making their champions attempt to kill Akira and the one who does' master will get Mina and this leads to Akira fighting off 3 vampires in their monster forms, including a tiger woman. Here Furrys, here weird people. Oh and all the while the vampire lords are giving Mina a gynachology exam, and no I'm not fucking showing it. I mean come on this show had potential, trying to unite humans and vampires, there's even a group of vampires who ripped out their own fangs to try and blend in, who are hunted by bad vampires for being different, this show could of have been brilliant, but somebody let a pedophile take control of the wheel.
All I wanted was something good with vampires, that's all I wanted, but all I can say with this is...
I mean there is got to be at least one good anime with fucking vampires.
Oh fuck yeah, now this is fucking Awesome, go watch Hellsing already and forget that other vampire show. Though now that I think about it, is still a better story than Twilight. I'm The Joel MH, signing off.
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