Resident Evil 5

Operator, help, get me the cops, the army, anyone, a creepy cat's going to make me review another shitty Resident Evil game. STOP LAUGHING!

NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So here's Resident Evil 5, kill me now. So Resident Evil 5 or as I call it operation racist zombie killer starts as Chris Redfield arrives in an african village to meet up with his new partner Sheva Alomar to arrest a bioterrorist and by bioterrorist I mean new excuse for there to be zombies, oh sorry I mean Ganados, oh I mean Majini.

So basically a new excuse, I mean Resident Evil one, two and three took place around the same time a few nights difference but the same zombie outbreak, Resi 4 dealt with a new threat because it wasn't Umbrella but yep they're back with the Ganados virus from 4 which was stolen by Ada Wong who makes no appearance in this game.

Though it does it's very worst to be a Resident Evil 4 clone. Yeah there's no Ashley and her...

But Sheva will assist you and pick up items to help you and offer you ammo and vica versa, but here's the kicker, in Resident Evil 4 Leon carried a case that took items inside it based upon their size.

Resi 5 on the other hands.

Assigns items to 9 slots no matter the size, an egg takes up the same space as a fucking rocket launcher, talk about a step back Capcom. Couldn't just carry it over. Speaking of carrying over, where have I seen this before?

It does seem familiar, hold on just a second...

Oh yeah I thought it looked familiar.
Now hold on I called the game racist before, well it might not actually be racist but it did cause a lot of racist allegations stemming from the fact that Chris Redfield goes into an african village and slaughters everyone, okay they're zombies, shut up I know, okay monster people, but it doesn't help.

Besides the main villain is as white as they come isn't that right Wesker.

And oh yeah Jill Valentine is under his mind control and Wesker has crazy super powers for some t-virus related reasons.

Hold on I've seen this scene elsewhere, please tell me it's not...

Oh god it's responsible for that goddamn movie, I can't take anymore of this bullshit, luckily that cat doesn't know about my cyanide capsule.

I guess that plan is out the window, fuck. Anyway the game's combat is identical to Resident Evil 4 bar the lower inventory space and having to work with a partner who's inventory you have to edit all the time as she PICKS UP EVERY LAST LITTLE THING! Oh and trust me the inventory despite being smaller takes up more time and is more irritating then the one in 4. Now you can work in co-op with another player and this does redeem the game a bit but if you're on your own you have to deal with a dumbfuck A.I. who can get stuck running at walls. Another thing being recycled from 4 which was also recycled in 6, is The Mercenaries mode, where you have to survive within a time limit killing as man baddies as possible.

Now I have to admit it, it's still as enjoyable as it is in 4 and probably better than 4's but the rest of the game sucks balls, okay Espurr, I'm done, Dedenne give me a score.

There are you happy now you pain in my ass cat, you finally going to leave me alone.

So I'm taking the silence as a yes, I always do with you, I'm The Joel MH signing off. Huh smart zombies what kind of BS is that?